i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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