i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
