I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
