I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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