well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
