he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
