Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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