At least make sure they are 18
Why
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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