wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
