your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
