So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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