Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
