On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
