when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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