I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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