Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
