Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
