dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
