Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
