She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
