If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
