Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
