For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't put those talents on a resume
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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