Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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