Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
