I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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