it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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