I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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