Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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