im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
