How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
