i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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