i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
