He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
