We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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