everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
