I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
