Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
