bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
