I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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