The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
