It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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