My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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