im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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