Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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