I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
