is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
