maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
