So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
