He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
