Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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