Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
