the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
