Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
